On the Importance of Soft Skills
Working on your soft skills as a self proclaimed introvert.
- I identify as an introvert.
- Learn things
- Be pleasant and approachable
- Listen
- Go to a coffee shop
- Find a community
- Practice makes progress
I identify as an introvert.
When I first met my partner’s father, he asked me: “So why did you choose to go into IT?” to which I responded: “I hate people…” 😬 Apart from making a questionable first impression, it probably wasn’t accurate either. Interacting with people can be challenging and when something is outside of your comfort zone, it can be difficult to see its worth.
Now I’m not going to get technical here (pun intended 😂) but my view of soft skills is that they are all of the things you do that aren’t techniques for accomplishing a task. The psychological skills that are common to most roles. Things like talking to people, gathering requirements, and managing expectations. While these skills don’t usually get the job done, they’re essential for getting the job done well.
What follows is a list of things that I’ve found helpful in developing my soft skills. I’m still on the journey but I like to think that I’m further than I was yesterday 😊 The list isn’t in any particular order and may not work for every person, but hopefully you’ll find something that helps you push your comfort zone just a little wider.
Learn things
You know what makes having a conversation easier? Having something to talk about that isn’t the weather 😅 Maybe you have something in common or maybe you have an opportunity to teach something you’re interested in? Read books or watch YouTube videos, whatever medium is your go to, just keep learning. It doesn’t have to be applicable to the task at hand, anything you find interesting will encourage you to learn more and build the confidence to talk to other people about it. When you talk about something you know, are passionate about, or just have an interest in, you can be your genuine self and other people will notice that.
Be pleasant and approachable
It costs you nothing to smile, say good morning, or give a compliment. When you make it easy for others to talk to you, it becomes easier for you to engage in conversation too or to have that difficult chat about the project feature that may need to be adjusted. It’s important not to fake it. It’s okay to have a bad day but just ask yourself, is it their fault that your car had a flat or that the first bus was full? Probably not. Being pleasant is contagious and soon you’ll have forgotten about your crappy morning and maybe made someone else’s day better too.
Listen
Let other people talk and really listen. So often we are just waiting for our turn to speak but you can get so much more from an interaction where you take in both what is being said and all the non-verbal queues that make up a genuine conversation. You don’t have to have an opinion or a solution, most people just want to be heard. I think this one can be practised alone too. How often do you just sit and listen at a park or at a coffee shop? It can be uncomfortable at first and the urge to check your phone and “look busy” can be overwhelming but sit with it, it’s a skill you have to practice.
Go to a coffee shop
That last point segways well into this one. Go to a coffee shop, or a market, or any place where people gather really. It’s hard to practice your soft skills alone, at home, in your bedroom.. While you can talk to people online, there really is no substitute for reality 1.0 (yet? 🤔). Conversation is so much more than just the words that are said. For the time being the best way to experience all the other factors is in person. My soft skills really grew by leaps and bounds when we got a dog and I started visiting my local cafe (almost) everyday. I don’t recommend or encourage that you buy a pet purely for this reason (seriously, please adopt your pets responsibly 🐶🐱🐦) but if you have one or can borrow one, they really help with the whole approachability thing. 😂
Find a community
While you’re busy learning things, you could try learning something with other people who want to learn the same thing too! You could play a sport, join a club, or find a meetup. For an introvert, this one is hard to start but embrace that flinch. You could ask a friend to go with you or tackle it solo. Just remember that everyone there was once where you are now and they are there because they enjoy that activity too. Remember to listen, be pleasant, and enjoy the experience. Some of my closest friends (and my partner!) were found by embracing a new community outside of my academic or work commitments.
Practice makes progress
I hope something on this list has prompted you to work on your soft skills. Just like technical skills, they only get better by applying them. Don’t be afraid to make mistakes, that’s just another way to learn. Maybe start by engaging in a conversation? Maybe engage in a conversation with me? 🤯 I’d love to hear your thoughts and feedback! You can find my socials in the sidebar if that’s an edge you want to push 💪
Have an awesome day!
